The sun is shining and the sky is clear. It is a beautiful day.
Over breakfast this morning I sat down to watch a bit of Netflix, “Aftershock Everest and the Nepal Earthquake”. It is a sobering watch and puts the difficulties of the weekend into stark contrast.
As I watched the start of this progamme there was some focus on the base camp at Everest. It reminded me how any endeavour such as the one Karam and I took on requires an enourmous support team. John Donne’s Meditation XVII “No Man is an Island” comes to mind but “No pair of eejits is an island” seems a more apt title.
Setup started on Court 2 around 2 pm and would continue for the next few hours. The tables for the witnesses and referee were setup; the recording equipment was installed; the broadcast table holding the laptop with OBS running for the live stream was plonked behind the ref’s table and the Gezebo was errected against its front wall to provide sanctuary and hide unspeakable events that no one should ever have to witness; more on that later. A member of the club walked into the middle of all this and was heard to remark “I didn’t realise it was so big”.
A total of 104 people were involved making a direct or indirect contribution and no matter how big or small. Some of them were paid but the vast majority gave us the gift of their time and commitment. This post is for those who volunteered with their time.
We have a WhatsApp channel for those who were team managers or sourcing witnesses and referees for the attempt. The task of finding people who could not only meet the very strict guidelines laid down by Guinness World Records but were also willing to give up their time was a task that might just have been more difficult than playing squash for 50 hours. If I were permitted to publish the content on that channel it would read like a novel.
With one week to go we were 15 witness and 5 referees short of the required number to be able to do the attempt. It became a very stressful week for those involved. During the following days a number of people put in an extraordinary effort that resulted in the number whittling down to 3 witnesses and 1 referee required by the time the sun came up on Friday 7th of October. When Karam and I hit the first ball we were 1 witness short and had no idea if the missing slot between 2:30am – 5:30am on Sunday was going to be filled.
You may be thinking to yourself ‘just how hard can it be to find witnesses’. The answer? Damn hard. Unless you are willing to fork out a minimum of £937.50 per hour for an official adjudicator from Guinness World Records you are stuck with the need to find witnesses. The following is required:
Guinness allowed the following in respect of witnesses:
How on earth did we manage to find 34 witnesses? Everyone on the WhatsApp channel worked their butts off to do this and no stone was left unturned, indeed some of them were turned a number of times.
Emma Coughlan took on the role of identifying witnesses for us using her contacts at the Bristol Junior Chamber (BJC) having been a member of the committee. Using all her charm, negotiation skills and possibly other dark arts, that I may not want to encounter, she worked tirelessly on our behalf to obtain witnesses.
Many of our witnesses are or were membes of the BJC. Her effort and dedication was monumental especially when you consider she had absolutely nothing at all to gain from it, no reward other than a desire to see someone else’s daft dream come true. It takes some special skill to convince people, even ones you know, to care enough to give up their time for no reward especially when we are all supposed to be tucked snug in bed. One of them signed up to 2 sessions and was prepared to do a third if we were really stuck.
Emma also supported me as a playing partner during some of the experiments on court prior to Covid. She provided me with so much encouragement during the months of training when things were going well and not well. She was a continual source of support, optimism and unfailing good humour on top of being damn fine training companion during a few trial runs. I will forever be grateful for her contribution to our attempt.
Mike Lok was whirling dervish who couldn’t do enough to help. From very early on, way before Covid, he reached out and asked me how he could help, what could he do.
When it became clear weeks out that witnesses and referees were proving difficult to source he stepped up to support Emma. He dug deep into his contact list to find anyone willing to be a witness. Every name was checked, double checked and then triple checked to ensure that person met the criteria for the role they were filling. He knew that one minor mistake would be enough to prevent a record from not being ratified. We are not sure how many lodgers he has/had but he winkled them out with one of them volunteering to do two sessions as a witness after midnight.
It was Mike, who announced on WhatsApp at 7:38 on Friday, 7 October that the final witness had been signed up. At that point Karam and I were in the dark, 2 hours into the attempt. Reading the transcript one is tempted to stand up, cheer and applaud.
Conall Platts took on the role of the lead team manager when I asked him in Jan 2020 and brought to the table everything I could have hoped for in a lead. He had a clear idea that the weight of management needed to be taken off of Karam and I so that we could focus on training. Faced with the challenge of creating a safe space for us when were off court he came up with the idea of installing a large Gazebo on Court 2. It was briliant suggestion and worked perfectly.
But for all the work he did on this project the one thing Conall deserves a very special mention for was going above and beyond the call of duty and taking on a task no one really should have to. Conall, noticing I was struggling big time to put a new pair of shorts on over my shoes and said, “Let me do that for you?”. After a few seconds he said “No one should have to see this”.
I noticed a message on the chat this morning from him that read, “Personally I’d appreciate a small mention only for having been directly & intimately (sic) in project ‘Seamus needs new shorts’. Some images the brain just can’t erase 🙈.” Conall may be seeking professional help right this minute and I am so very, very sorry to have put him through that. Conall deserves more than a small mention. When we were in the doldrums thinking we were not playing at a high enough level or what we were doing did not look like squash he was quick to refute any such suggestion and consistently provided positive feedback during our training and the attempt itself.
Ethel-Jane Cormack could not have been more supportive of her stoopid husband. To see her burst into tears in the Gazebo after hearing the bad news on her way for her next shift was heartbreaking. Ethel-Jane did all the unseen, unheard and unglamous things that no one ever mentions and gives credit for. I could not have done this without her support.
But I could argue at times that her support was left somewhat wanting. You have no idea what it feels like to be sitting on a Wattbike in the middle of a heatwave working your way through a demonic 3 hour session and have your wife come up the stairs and burst into one of those fits of cackling laughter. She got very good at it.
Due to perfectly understandable reasons we lost a couple of excellent people as team managers and Ethel-Jane asked if she could become one about 3 weeks ago. She sent out messages left, right and centre to a couple of schools and among her own network looking for more witnesses. My late mother said of her, “She is a very sweet girl” and she probably turned that on to 11 to persuade people to help and a number of people came forward to be a witness.
When we were short of volunteers who would prepping our food and drinks and anything else Karam and I needed to get through our breaks she offered to do that as well after having done a 7 hour shift as a team manager. Not content with that she took our kit home for a wash. We are blessed to have many good friends and Susan Weaver took the kids for the weekend to free up Ethel-Jane.
Long before Conall had his moment of destiny Ethel-Jane and Gareth Bingham responded to a request to help me get my shoes and socks off and put new ones on. Bear in mind they had been on my feet unchanged for about 17 or so hours. They got to work.
After Ethel-Jane removed the first shoe whilst Gareth did the other one, she started to peel back the sock. Leaving out some words she said, “What have you been doing, these are absolutely rank! Gareth put that sock in that bag with all the other stuff that reeks”. With the new socks on I then said “I think I need help getting my shorts on.” He said to Ethel-Jane, “I think I’ll leave that job for you”. And so Ethel-Jane knelt down in front of me and muttering words that cannot be repeated helped me with the shorts. She and Conall share a rather unique bond.
I owe Ethel-Jane so much for her love, support, understanding and unfailing humour when I needed it most.
Stephen Curran joined us in the August as team manager and quickly came up to speed with the procedures and ways of working. Steve has a wicked sense of humour and this was something that we really needed. His presence also allowed all the team manager’s have a decent break between their shifts and it was a pleasure to have him on board. When he was on duty everytime I looked out into the crowd he gave us a thumbs up or led everyone in a round cheering as we reached the 24 hour mark and then the half-way mark of our goal at 25 hours.
We were honoured to have Roy Gingell, the best referee in the world, do a 4 hour stint for us on Saturday morning. He has refereed an unbelievable number of matches but maybe nothing quite as bizarre as this one. Chris Neye and I have crossed paths a couple of times, once at the Welsh Masters and again a few weeks ago at the World Masters in Wroclaw. It was fun seeing him again and he was the first referee on the rota when we started. I try to be an easy player to mark and he tries to be a good referee for me. At least one of us succeeded. 🤣 Thank you both for your time, expertise and good humour.
Thank you to Martyn Ibson of RestringMe who restrung some of our rackets for free days before the attempt.
Thank you to my daughter, Freya Newmarch and her husband Charlie Crossley-Thorne who volunteered and became the official photographers of our attempt. They take great photos and I can’t wait to see them. They were completely calm during our breaks and unfailing helpful during the silly hours on Saturday. They were full of smiles and encouraging words. Their presence created a calm safe environment. Without any fuss Charlie managed to fix the live stream when it stopped working. My daughter did what she always does which is do the things that make such a difference without having to be asked. She has a knack for assessing the situation and doing what needs to be done.
Gareth Bingham and Owen Rees-Hayward had the unenviable task of being the first volunteers onsite and had to decipher the laminated instruction sheets we had created for the volunteers. They mixed my first set of drinks and organised my clothes and area in the gazebo. Without them doing that life for other volunteers coming in would have been hell. During their shift they were so supportive and full of good humour.
Hadrian Stiff, John Welton and Steve Thompson from Elitesquash all provide invaluable support from technical, emotional and offering help with trial runs. All the work they have done with us over the years led us to the point where it was possible for two 60+ gents to even contemplate this attempt let alone go for the 37 hours we did.
In additon to those already named, thank you to the following people who were a witness, referee, volunteer or squash partner during the attempt or early trial runs:
Russ Landay, Dan St Quintin, Kelly Whittaker, Lottie Mallin-Martin, Barney Sykes, Tomasz Starzuyk, Lewis Rose, Laura Clarke, Rachel Orrett, Amy Moody, Kate Woosnam, Tom Moore, Emily Vaughan-Williams, Liv Hibbert, Kate Ryan, Amie Cowell, Rebecca Chellapah, Ollie Paice, Norma Head, Matt Costello, Elsa Littlewood, Ed Davies, Phil Tregidgo, Steve Hole, Kevin Taylor, Sergio Garcia, David Forshaw, Chris Ward, Sabrina Massaroni, Alys Hurn, Lisa Meehan, Annie Jones, Ben Crowther, Martin Ramsay, Azim Zubir, Richard Bickers, Liam O’Byrne, Sama Fakhry, Engy Kamal, Giles Sharley, Peter Slater Jones, Tristin Barron, Harry Duckworth, Mark Regan, Phil Rea, Elf Harris, James Page, Patrick Truss, Jose Hervas, Jeff Heward, Pau Jiminez Sanchez, Will Duffett and Warren Arnsmeyer.
The Bopseys Go On a Long Journey 
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